Don't believe all your thoughts!

"Thoughts are not who you are, they're habitual patterns in the mind, nothing more and as soon as you see them that way, they lose their sting."    Ruby Wax, Sane New World
There are times when I'm acutely aware my thoughts are not true....they are not what I truly believe.  As I've mentioned, when I think in terms of all or none - black and white - I know that I'm telling myself untruths.  

Habits and patterns seem sort of benign in a world filled with addictions, compulsions and mental illness.  However I think for me, this is overlooked.  

Acknowledging the difficulty in changing a belief or value....a habit of the way we think is a large undertaking.  I've heard Anthony Robbins describe it as grooves on a record.  We fall into them because they have been predetermined and are physically easy for the record needle to follow.  Changing a pattern, a thought or habit is like going against the grain of the record.  Essentially scratching in a new groove. 

Recently Tara Brach had a nice catch phrase..."Neurons that fire together, wire together". When it comes to advancements in science, a huge one is neuroplasticity.   Meaning we can actually change the pathways or wiring in our brain. 

Mindfulness is a great way to work on this....the way you think....the patterns of thoughts....the way our brains are wired (currently) and creating new pathways in our thinking, and therefore feeling. 

When I start down a road of negative self talk because I am struggling with changing some of these wiring issues, I am trying to give my self a break - be compassionate.  Perhaps there is an inverse relationship with time of a habit and how long it might take to re-wire our brains - I don't know just a thought.  

If I have drank coffee in the morning for 20 years (true - decaff none the less), it might take me longer than someone who has for 2 years.  Perhaps the ritual of coffee is more meaningful or powerful to me.  Whatever the case, it's a tough pattern and habit to break.

Lets say I've decided I want to switch to herbal tea, and I truly would like to stop drinking coffee,  My mind will definitely tell me each morning that I want a coffee!!!!  If I believe this as true, I'm going to struggle.  However, if I believe - as the quote above suggests - that this is a habitual way of thinking.  It isn't about what I truly want.  Perhaps it's just a habit of thought.  

I find NOT believing my thoughts quite challenging....Ie.  But I DO want a coffee!  Is it a chicken and egg situation?  Do  I really?  Because I decided I in fact didn't want to drink coffee in the morning...didn't I?  Was that false?  Doubt it.  I put a lot of thought - weighing pros and cons, wanting this change.  So do I dismiss that or is it more reasonable to dismiss an automatic thought that comes up when I wake that I want a coffee? 

I find this quote extremely powerful.  It also serves as a good reminder that patience is needed when change is happening.  I am working on re-wiring my brain!  It's gonna take some time:)

The present includes tastes, smells, colours....

In my experience, it seems that thinking about things that happened or might happen has little use to me and my emotional state.  By distracting myself in the past or future I am avoiding how I'm feeling or what is happening in the present moment.

I would say I'm someone that likes to learn and grow.  I have learned what things contribute to negative thinking, uneasiness, and anxiety. Conversely I have also learned what produces serenity, calmness and hope.

Focusing on the present....what is pleasant....what I am grateful for....what I see, hear and smell... helps me be here - not far away in my mind.....worrying about what the future is going to bring.  I am not trying to dissect or figure out the WHY of things!  Asking myself this causes a frenzied type of thinking that serves no purpose. The answer of WHY is always...BECAUSE IT IS.  And that is much easier to live with.

Why do I have a headache today?  Why did that driver just give me the finger.  Why are there so many weeds in my garden?  Not sure about anyone else but when I write it down, it's easy to see that this line of questioning isn't useful.  Again, the easy answer is..."it just is".
Enjoy the day!

Ease suffering

" ... we have a choice in any moment to either return to the present or to escalate our suffering by letting our stories and thoughts take over."
Pema Chodron - How to meditate: A practical guide to making friends with your mind.

I find I'm caught up right now in "escalating my suffering" by worrying about things in the future that I have no control over.  Whatever is going to happen...will.  I am going to meditate, challenge my thoughts and stories and try to get back to this present moment. I may have made mistakes in my past however I don't believe the universe wants me to suffer all the time.  Nor can I predict or change what will happen in the future.  

I will cause unnecessary pain by indulging in negative thinking and pretending like I have some say in what will happen.  As the serenity prayer so beautifully says....accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can - me...my thoughts....my choices. Today I choose to stay in the moment and trust that all will be well.