Just For Today....

When I find myself thinking too far into the future, I tend to get anxious...worried or fearful. When I remind myself to stay in today, things are a lot more manageable.

Finding the moments in each day to listen to my self talk,  reminding myself to be a little more quiet will often make a big difference in how I'm feeling.

If I can try to have LESS - judging, predictions, reactions and expectations - I am more centered and peaceful.

If I can try to fight LESS - my thougths, feelings and ideas of fairness or right and wrong - I am more loving and kind to myself and the world around me.

Nameste

RAIN

Just wanted to share -from Tara Brach: RAIN

Recognize what is going on;
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with kindness;
Natural awareness, which comes from not identifying
with the experience.

Thank goodness for mindfulness!!  

What do you show people?

What I sometimes struggle with is being overly positive.  I feel this need to look for the good, be grateful and avoid focusing on negative. 

I have struggled emotionally in the past with depression and anxiety.  More specifically in my teens and early 20's I really was quite morose.  My favorite band at the time was The Smiths.  Have you listened to the words?   

Regardless, it took me some time to stop catasrophizing and looking at things with an all or none/black or white view.  Mindfulness has been very helpful  in my growth and me becoming MY better person...happier and more balanced. 

I think mindfulness teaches us to accept, yet to be in discomfort when it happens.  The more we resist things, the more they persist.  Intellectually I know this, but I still try and hide behind the mask I've created for decades.  Happy, positive and outgoing. The glass is half full.  And why?  I somehow feel it's "better" than being negative ...it's how I want to appear to the world.  Who do you want to work with, spend time with or marry? Debbie Downer or Chipper McHappypants? 

When I find my self talk telling me to focus on the good, I do listen;  I don't want to go down the rabbit hole into a dark place.  However, as with many things, once the pendulum swings, it goes a little too far!   When I'm doubting anything, I look to balance and that seems to be the answer. 

I can be sad.  I can be mad.  I can be happy or euphoric.  But any of the "extremes" get me into trouble.  I don't know how authetic it is because it is forced, either way.  I choose to be overly happy or sadly pessimistic.  As I've always said, when you are in a dark place....a low point....sometimes it's easier to let go and fall to the bottom so that you simply can't fall any further. On the flip side, I might be going through a divorce, job loss and illness and to say I'm "fine" and not acknowlege the struggle isn't honest. 

Balance.  It's all about balance.  I hate that my mother was right, yet again , but everything in moderation:) 

Nameste

Ego: friend or foe?

We are driven by many needs;  Of course Maslow's heirarchy of needs says we need food, oxygen, shelter and to procreate (more true for some than others!).

But I find most of us are driven by another need;  to be recognized, valued, appreciated and seen!  Ego is in all of us.  There are experts that say the ego is a necessary and important part of us.  Freud and other pshychiatrists might have another take.

I believe ego is a part of our daily life;  in the decisions we make, what motivates us and how we make life choices. It can be very powerful, overt and overwhelming.  It can also be suttle and more active in our subconcious.  Regardless, I think it's important to recognize our ego and listen to what we are hearing.

My most common experience is in a workplace.  Many of us only feel we have something truly special because of our job or our skills.  It's unfortunate as all of us are equally valuable just for exsisting!  What I see is "type A" people who put most of their effort into work;  we are there at least 8 hours a day...these are our families to some extent.  We feel good when we do a good job and crappy when we don't.

For me, the best advice I have and what has really shifted me out of putting all my eggs in my work basket is;  telling myself that this job would function with or without me.  I might be the "go to" person and really like that I am.  But if I were to leave, another person would fulfill this role.  I constantly remind myself that if I'm not there, the place isn't going to crumble!  If you find you like that people need to call you when you are off and things are challenging when you aren't there, ask yourself if you are perpetuating this?

My experience tells me that even when people say they "wish" they weren't so needed, they've actually set themselves up.  They tell clients..."talk to me when you call"...or "I'll fix the issue, just ask for me".  When people do this, they are making sure that other people can't step in and handle the work.

I believe in our country we do not have work-life balance.  We tend to put everything into work and forget about self care and hobbies.  Honestly, how many of us have "non striving" hobbies!  Things we do for fun!   An attribute of mindful care is being non- striving (without an end result).   Something to keep in mind.

We are driven by ego.  I think it's important to recognize when ego is over-taking our lives. Some would say our ego protects us.  I'm sure it serves a purpose.  But i don't want to base all my choices in life around it.  It's very primative....unrefined.  We need to make concious choices.  I choose not to be driven by ego.  I know I'm valuable regardless of the praise I get through work, partners, friends or society.

A nice quote to ponder by Eckhart Tolle.

Nameste

What we resist, persists...

I love these words;  and yet they can really make you think.  I tried explaining this to a friend the other day and find I struggle with articulating it well.

Originally said by Carl Jung I believe, I think it can be summed up by saying that when we resist things - we are fighting.  When we are fighting anything, the same thing will continue or get worse;  things don't move forward.

The opposite of resistance is acceptance.  One might then conclude, what we accept, resolves.  The struggle is gone and we are left with more peace and calm. 

Fighting or resisting can be anything...a feeling...a thought...a situation...something that we simply can't let go of.  I might refuse to accept the loss of a relationship.  The more I fight this reality, the harder it becomes to find peace.  If you find yourself in your head replaying situations and telling yourself over and over that it isn't fair or right....what you really might be trying to do is re-write the past which isn't possible.    When we stop fighting....aka....stop trying to argue why it was wrong....and just accept it as something that happened we might be able to move on a little more easily. 

Simply, ask yourself "What are you not accepting"?  I believe we are happier and more at peace accepting things insteading of fighting them. 

What we resist....persists.  

Nameste

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melissa-van-rossum/moving-forward_b_1700246.html

Two Sides....

It’s funny how the same situation can be looked at in two very different ways…isn’t it?  If you are sick with the flu, you can focus on the discomfort, annoyance and frustration that your life is put on hold for a few days.  At the same time, perhaps your body is forcing you to take a break?  You could also see that it might help you appreciate when you are well, and even give you some compassion for others that struggle more than yourself.

Most situations can be viewed  from opposite spectrums.  Things can be so bad – so uncertain and challenging – OR they can be positve because perhaps there is growth and learning that is happening… and maybe necessary change.

The funny thing is that both scenarios are just our minds at work.  The truth of it is that there is no good or bad really.  It just is.  I don’t have to worry about the past or future or try and make lemonade out of lemons.  I can just sit with knowing I’m where I’m supposed to be and things will turn out as they should.

Of course being positive is something I strive for; I do subscribe to the self fulfilling prophecy. So yes, if I have to have thougths…predictions and chatter…I will try and see the positive, hope for the best and contribute to my destiny.  But I also can’t forget who is in charge… not me!  I can’t predict the future.   I have no idea what will happen.  But I know right now – things are OK.

To anyone struggling –  don’t assume the worst.  Just accept the present, be honest and challenge your thoughts.  When we say ” life sucks”  we have to rectify that immediately.  The first step is hearing it.  The next is being honest;  what are the facts.  What is the truth.  How can we stop making judgements?  Life doesn’t suck.  There might be pain or uncertainty but it doesn’t warrent a blanket statement like that.  Hear what you are telling yourself and just…correct it or at least make an attempt to:)

Nameste

Oh Universe...when will I learn!!

I had a few things happen in the past week that caused some distress for me. 

The first was that I lost my keys.  Actually scratch that;  the first was that I lost my apple TV remote - the thing is so small!  I looked high and low - inside my pillow cases,  tore my bed apart got out the flashlight to look under everything....and just...couldn't find it. 

Kevin showed up on the weekend and found it;  inside a pillow case - I thought I checked it thoroughly...guess not! 

Then it was my keys;  very distressing as I had my bus pass, my home keys and my work keys!  I tore my house apart.  Moved every couch.  Googled..."how to find your keys".  I lost them for 3 days.  It's interesting to see how much stress and anxiety showed up loosing a few little pieces of metal! 

In life, you can choose to do what many of us do;  search and search.  Drive yourself crazy and never accept that maybe you won't find them.  I did this for 3 days.  

I don't believe in giving up .  However I also am willing to look at my own state of being and wellness.  I was loosing sleep, being obsessive and making myself crazy.  I said to myself, I'm going to have to ACCEPT that I might not find them....and be OK with that. They are just keys!  Sure it'd be 200 bucks to replace my work key and I'm sure some hefty judgement....but isn't that ok in the big picture? 

I said to myself;  Tara - be Ok with this.  It's not that bad.  Stop worrying.  Literally 5 minutes later I went to water my plants and found them. 

The universe is a funny lady!  I truly believe she thought....until you accept your loss, you won't get what you want!

A silly anecdote perhaps.  But isn't this the stress we all deal with day in and day out?  Isn't the lesson timeless?  Stop looking.  Stop trying to control.  When you are supposed to find something....you will. 

Nameste

Keep your comments to....

“When we attend to the moment-to-moment flow of experience, and recognize what’s happening…fully allowing it, not adding judgment or commentary, then we are cultivating a mindful awareness.” 

Tara Brach

One of my favorites - Tara Brach - thank you Heather for introducing her to me!

Not adding judgements or commentary - what a hard thing to do!  Making an attempt is half the battle. 

Nameste

Attachment

When you feel anxious about something in your day, quickly check if you might be more attached to the outcome than is necessary. Mindfulness for Worriers

I think attachment is something we all need to evaluate.  What are you attached too?  A relationship?  A job?  An image?  Your physical beauty?  Your intelligence?  Being accepted or liked?

When I say "attachment" what I'm really referring to is how much something affects and impacts you.  Am I OK if any of the above listed were to dissapear?  

I need to be OK today with who I am.  I can't depend on my external attachments .  Ask yourself this.  If I were to loose _________today....would I be OK? Would I still be me? Could I cope and function?

Today, I am choosing to be free - unattached.  

The only thing I might attach to is the fact that the sun will rise and fall tomorrow and time will tick on...regardless if I believe in it or support it.  External things come and go.  Internally, I will always be me, and their is always a present moment that I can be in. 

Nameste

Thoughts Evaporate...

"The thought you are having now will evaporate, probably in moments. Thoughts are like that - they come and go, so there's usually no need to take them terribly seriously.  Observe and move on."

Padraig O'Morian

Sometimes I am truly shocked at how quickly my thoughts and moods can change;  they really do eb and flow and rarely last for much time.

Today I had anxiety in the morning before work - off for 4 days and wondering how things would be after a long weekend I suspect. I knew that by the time I arrived at work - literally an hour away - it would dissipate and crumble into nothing.

There are times when I question my thought - why am I thinking this!  I am quick to judge myself with catastrophic and black and white thinking:  "why do I always expect the worst".  Truth is, it was only one thought...and it means very little.

Do I recognize all the great thoughts I have?  Do I appreciate the times of peace, joy and empathy I feel?

I believe there might be some merit in not putting too much weight into our emotions or  what we think.  They seem to be very fluid.  They will change.  Who knows what we will think or feel later today, tomorrow or in a week!  The only constant in our lives is that things will always change.

When things are challenging - be it a thought or feeling - knowing that there is a real possibility of feeling or thinking differently can be a great comfort.

Nameste

Pain vs Suffering

"… we can distinguish between the normal pain of life – difficult emotions, physical discomfort, and so on – and actual suffering, which is the mental anguish caused by fighting against the fact that life is sometimes painful." Kristin Neff, Self Compassion

We will have pain and discomfort.  However there is always some control in the amount of thinking we give these states.  We can choose NOT to suffer.  

Nameste

Working out isn't just for the body....

“Each time you bring yourself back to the breath is a moment of training. This is how the heart and mind learn to move from a stage of habitual and reactive distraction to one that’s more responsive, creative, and aware.“ Vidyamala Burch

It is interesting what I will accept;  If want to get in shape - train for a 5 mile run - I will simply have to do the work! 

Why is peace of mind, mental and emotional health any different?  Do I think I'll will my way into a happier state of being?  Do I just decide not to have anxiety anymore? 

Of course not!  It's work.  Very simple.  I am in training!  Just because I don't gain weight or start getting winded on the stairs doesn't mean I am "fit" mentally. 

Everything worth something requires effort, dedication and faith. Improving myself and dealing with my own issues has been the hardest work I will ever do!  

Just like with physical health, there is continued maintenance required. 

Meditate today!  Journal.  Practice a mindfulness exercise.  These things will keep you sane!  These things will allow you to be free. 

Nameste 

A thought is not an instruction

A thought is not an instruction. Recall this phrase when your mind tells you that you "must" do this or you "should" do that.

By:  Padriag O'Morian

I find this concept very valuable.  Sometimes we are on auto pilot.  And a thought CAN feel more like an instruction - especially when it comes to changing our behaviors or how we perceive ourselves. 

I've heard the saying  "don't should all over yourself".  It's not productive and can negatively influence one's self esteem.  Being gentle and kind to yourself teaches us to do the same for others. 

Nameste

Doubt

"Doubt is an uncomfortable condition, but certainty is a ridiculous one" (Voltaire).  Let's spend more time in the now, where we live, and less in a fictional future in our head.

By: Padraig O'Morain

What's Your Problem?

I'm not sure about others, but I tend to focus on what my problems are!  I've mentioned before trying to stay away from the question WHY?  Why am I so emotional?  Why can't I just accept this loss?  What is my problem!

Some investigation is helpful, of course.  If I'm constantly disappointed by people or events, perhaps I can look at my expectations....and not having them!  I find they always get me into trouble.  There is plenty of room for improvement in all of us. However it can be a slippery slope, easily morphing into judgement and criticism.  The last stage is narrowly focusing on the issue or problems you have.  This is called....resisting (obsessing, worrying, ruminating etc.)

Trying to rid yourself of unwanted thoughts and feelings can be summed up as resistance.  I believe this is based in fear.  When that happens, things persist.  What we resist, persists. 

Acceptance is the antidote.  Accept your crappy, judging thoughts and emotions for what they are...passing, human and natural.  Move on.  Don't give them power. Make changes;  improvements where you can.  But be kind to yourself. Constant critique and evaluation only adds stress.  Get back to the present moment.  Take a breath.  Make a mindfulness jar!   I just read about it at http://mindfulnessjar.com/mind-calming-glitter-jar/

We all have problems.  Some will be there tomorrow or in 5 minutes.  But right now, all can be well.  In this moment. 

Nameste

Appreciating the present moment

"Can you rest in ... awareness, even for one breath, or even one in-breath, before reacting to try to escape or make things different?"
Jon Kabat-Zinn, Mindfulness for Beginners.

I think it's important to realize with mindfulness, you can start very small....with individual breaths or minutes.  It can be easily done on my 6 minute bus ride to work....

What can I do in 6 minutes?  Lets discuss!  What I DON'T want to do is worry about if I'll be on time, what my day will be like or regretting that I didn't appreciate my holiday time off!

What I CAN do is just be....in the moment.  I can pay attention to my breathing.  I can do a body scan and be aware of how my body is feeling...and not judge it.  Most days I find I just look and listen.  Today I noticed a hotel I never have before.  I look at houses and decor, landscaping, cars....anything.  I am aware that I am not judging them or making up stories....I'm just noticing...on purpose.   

I also like listening....to sounds, the trance-like noises of the bus, the sound of the heat blowing, or whatever is present at the time.  I consider this meditating.  When I'm not worrying about future events, being a story teller in my head or focusing on things in the past, I am truly quite content. 

I believe I have worked at being able to do this for years.  And while you can practice being mindful in a second or minute, I have done formal practice (sitting or lying down for a prescribed amount of time) and I think it has allowed me to be able to appreciate the present moment. 

Most people are striving for peace.  The irony is that it can be found in this exact moment!

Accept what is happening right now

“When we stop trying to force pleasant feelings, they are freer to emerge on their own. When we stop trying to resist unpleasant feelings, we may find that they can drift away by themselves . When we stop trying to make something happen, a whole world of fresh and unanticipated experiences may become accessible to us.”
Mark Williams

ESP

"Quickly register your state of mind now and then e.g. “angry mind,” “calm mind,” “tense/tight mind,” “curious mind”. This 'mindfulness of the mind' can give you an insight into whether your state of mind is dictating your thinking and your actions. "  by Padraig O'Morain


A quick and easy way to check in with yourself is something called ESP - asking yourself how you are feeling Emotionally, Spiritually and Physically.  One word answers are all you need.  It's an interesting way to look at your state of mind, body and soul.


For example, I might choose this check in method every time I use my computer, use the bathroom, eat a meal. Any way you can habitually make this part of your day.   If I wake up and feel angry, I can recognize it.  This is my check in emotionally.  Anger is a catch all so I might try and choose a different word....irritable perhaps.  Then spiritually I might notice I'm not connected.  Lastly I might be tired or have a sore neck from sleeping.  When I look at the entire ESP process, it gives me a more complete picture.  I'm irritable because I'm disconnected spiritually (likely already thinking of what I want or DON'T want to do that day) and that maybe I could use a heating pad on my neck!


I won't try and get out of any of these states - it's just recognizing - acknowledging - and choosing to detach from these things and go about my day.  I know that all of this states of mind and body will change just as the sun rises and sets and time ticks away.  There is certainty that things will shift.

Don't believe all your thoughts!

"Thoughts are not who you are, they're habitual patterns in the mind, nothing more and as soon as you see them that way, they lose their sting."    Ruby Wax, Sane New World
There are times when I'm acutely aware my thoughts are not true....they are not what I truly believe.  As I've mentioned, when I think in terms of all or none - black and white - I know that I'm telling myself untruths.  

Habits and patterns seem sort of benign in a world filled with addictions, compulsions and mental illness.  However I think for me, this is overlooked.  

Acknowledging the difficulty in changing a belief or value....a habit of the way we think is a large undertaking.  I've heard Anthony Robbins describe it as grooves on a record.  We fall into them because they have been predetermined and are physically easy for the record needle to follow.  Changing a pattern, a thought or habit is like going against the grain of the record.  Essentially scratching in a new groove. 

Recently Tara Brach had a nice catch phrase..."Neurons that fire together, wire together". When it comes to advancements in science, a huge one is neuroplasticity.   Meaning we can actually change the pathways or wiring in our brain. 

Mindfulness is a great way to work on this....the way you think....the patterns of thoughts....the way our brains are wired (currently) and creating new pathways in our thinking, and therefore feeling. 

When I start down a road of negative self talk because I am struggling with changing some of these wiring issues, I am trying to give my self a break - be compassionate.  Perhaps there is an inverse relationship with time of a habit and how long it might take to re-wire our brains - I don't know just a thought.  

If I have drank coffee in the morning for 20 years (true - decaff none the less), it might take me longer than someone who has for 2 years.  Perhaps the ritual of coffee is more meaningful or powerful to me.  Whatever the case, it's a tough pattern and habit to break.

Lets say I've decided I want to switch to herbal tea, and I truly would like to stop drinking coffee,  My mind will definitely tell me each morning that I want a coffee!!!!  If I believe this as true, I'm going to struggle.  However, if I believe - as the quote above suggests - that this is a habitual way of thinking.  It isn't about what I truly want.  Perhaps it's just a habit of thought.  

I find NOT believing my thoughts quite challenging....Ie.  But I DO want a coffee!  Is it a chicken and egg situation?  Do  I really?  Because I decided I in fact didn't want to drink coffee in the morning...didn't I?  Was that false?  Doubt it.  I put a lot of thought - weighing pros and cons, wanting this change.  So do I dismiss that or is it more reasonable to dismiss an automatic thought that comes up when I wake that I want a coffee? 

I find this quote extremely powerful.  It also serves as a good reminder that patience is needed when change is happening.  I am working on re-wiring my brain!  It's gonna take some time:)

The present includes tastes, smells, colours....

In my experience, it seems that thinking about things that happened or might happen has little use to me and my emotional state.  By distracting myself in the past or future I am avoiding how I'm feeling or what is happening in the present moment.

I would say I'm someone that likes to learn and grow.  I have learned what things contribute to negative thinking, uneasiness, and anxiety. Conversely I have also learned what produces serenity, calmness and hope.

Focusing on the present....what is pleasant....what I am grateful for....what I see, hear and smell... helps me be here - not far away in my mind.....worrying about what the future is going to bring.  I am not trying to dissect or figure out the WHY of things!  Asking myself this causes a frenzied type of thinking that serves no purpose. The answer of WHY is always...BECAUSE IT IS.  And that is much easier to live with.

Why do I have a headache today?  Why did that driver just give me the finger.  Why are there so many weeds in my garden?  Not sure about anyone else but when I write it down, it's easy to see that this line of questioning isn't useful.  Again, the easy answer is..."it just is".
Enjoy the day!