Just For Today....

When I find myself thinking too far into the future, I tend to get anxious...worried or fearful. When I remind myself to stay in today, things are a lot more manageable.

Finding the moments in each day to listen to my self talk,  reminding myself to be a little more quiet will often make a big difference in how I'm feeling.

If I can try to have LESS - judging, predictions, reactions and expectations - I am more centered and peaceful.

If I can try to fight LESS - my thougths, feelings and ideas of fairness or right and wrong - I am more loving and kind to myself and the world around me.

Nameste

Two Sides....

It’s funny how the same situation can be looked at in two very different ways…isn’t it?  If you are sick with the flu, you can focus on the discomfort, annoyance and frustration that your life is put on hold for a few days.  At the same time, perhaps your body is forcing you to take a break?  You could also see that it might help you appreciate when you are well, and even give you some compassion for others that struggle more than yourself.

Most situations can be viewed  from opposite spectrums.  Things can be so bad – so uncertain and challenging – OR they can be positve because perhaps there is growth and learning that is happening… and maybe necessary change.

The funny thing is that both scenarios are just our minds at work.  The truth of it is that there is no good or bad really.  It just is.  I don’t have to worry about the past or future or try and make lemonade out of lemons.  I can just sit with knowing I’m where I’m supposed to be and things will turn out as they should.

Of course being positive is something I strive for; I do subscribe to the self fulfilling prophecy. So yes, if I have to have thougths…predictions and chatter…I will try and see the positive, hope for the best and contribute to my destiny.  But I also can’t forget who is in charge… not me!  I can’t predict the future.   I have no idea what will happen.  But I know right now – things are OK.

To anyone struggling –  don’t assume the worst.  Just accept the present, be honest and challenge your thoughts.  When we say ” life sucks”  we have to rectify that immediately.  The first step is hearing it.  The next is being honest;  what are the facts.  What is the truth.  How can we stop making judgements?  Life doesn’t suck.  There might be pain or uncertainty but it doesn’t warrent a blanket statement like that.  Hear what you are telling yourself and just…correct it or at least make an attempt to:)

Nameste

Keep your comments to....

“When we attend to the moment-to-moment flow of experience, and recognize what’s happening…fully allowing it, not adding judgment or commentary, then we are cultivating a mindful awareness.” 

Tara Brach

One of my favorites - Tara Brach - thank you Heather for introducing her to me!

Not adding judgements or commentary - what a hard thing to do!  Making an attempt is half the battle. 

Nameste

Attachment

When you feel anxious about something in your day, quickly check if you might be more attached to the outcome than is necessary. Mindfulness for Worriers

I think attachment is something we all need to evaluate.  What are you attached too?  A relationship?  A job?  An image?  Your physical beauty?  Your intelligence?  Being accepted or liked?

When I say "attachment" what I'm really referring to is how much something affects and impacts you.  Am I OK if any of the above listed were to dissapear?  

I need to be OK today with who I am.  I can't depend on my external attachments .  Ask yourself this.  If I were to loose _________today....would I be OK? Would I still be me? Could I cope and function?

Today, I am choosing to be free - unattached.  

The only thing I might attach to is the fact that the sun will rise and fall tomorrow and time will tick on...regardless if I believe in it or support it.  External things come and go.  Internally, I will always be me, and their is always a present moment that I can be in. 

Nameste

Thoughts Evaporate...

"The thought you are having now will evaporate, probably in moments. Thoughts are like that - they come and go, so there's usually no need to take them terribly seriously.  Observe and move on."

Padraig O'Morian

Sometimes I am truly shocked at how quickly my thoughts and moods can change;  they really do eb and flow and rarely last for much time.

Today I had anxiety in the morning before work - off for 4 days and wondering how things would be after a long weekend I suspect. I knew that by the time I arrived at work - literally an hour away - it would dissipate and crumble into nothing.

There are times when I question my thought - why am I thinking this!  I am quick to judge myself with catastrophic and black and white thinking:  "why do I always expect the worst".  Truth is, it was only one thought...and it means very little.

Do I recognize all the great thoughts I have?  Do I appreciate the times of peace, joy and empathy I feel?

I believe there might be some merit in not putting too much weight into our emotions or  what we think.  They seem to be very fluid.  They will change.  Who knows what we will think or feel later today, tomorrow or in a week!  The only constant in our lives is that things will always change.

When things are challenging - be it a thought or feeling - knowing that there is a real possibility of feeling or thinking differently can be a great comfort.

Nameste

Pain vs Suffering

"… we can distinguish between the normal pain of life – difficult emotions, physical discomfort, and so on – and actual suffering, which is the mental anguish caused by fighting against the fact that life is sometimes painful." Kristin Neff, Self Compassion

We will have pain and discomfort.  However there is always some control in the amount of thinking we give these states.  We can choose NOT to suffer.  

Nameste

Stars can't shine without darkness

"Accepting feelings doesn't mean acting on them. It means you don't fight with their existence. You can let them be there while you get on with your day"

Padraig O'Morian

Don't fight;  accept.  So simple but so challenging!  I'm drawn to this concept likely because of two convincing reasons:

1.  When I succeed at accepting and I stop fighting, I am more at peace with myself, my emotions and my experiences. 
2. Just like Mom and Dad told us..."eat your vegetables!  they're good for you!"  I KNOW that acceptance is good for me....so I keep trying.  I load my plate up with broccoli because I want to be ..healthier!

For many people, myself included, I strive for "happiness, peace, contentment".  Of course!  However, having only "pleasant" emotions isn't very realistic, or even always desirable.

I enjoy Canada because I like the changing seasons; when spring rolls around I'm excited.  If I had spring and summer all the time I'm fairly certain I'd take it for granted.  Just like when I go to the cottage and the first day seeing the lake - the sun dancing off the water -the sounds of the boats and warmth of the sun...it's heaven.  On day 5....missing my wifi!  If I lived on the water I would take that for granted too!  I know myself!!

But getting back to one's desire to feel happy, peaceful and contented....if I was always all those things I'm sure they would lose value somehow.  

I need the dark to appreciate light.  I need the negative to see the positive. And so instead of fighting my feelings, it's better for me to accept them...whatever they are.  I don't have to act on them;  I can just let them be.  Because they will change.  

I also don't have to fear them, or strive to change them.  No emotion is "wrong" or "bad". They just "are". 

Nameste

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real

 I have this sticky note up beside my desk;  FEAR:  false evidence appearing real. 

I think I wrote this because so many emotions can be traced back to fear.

When anyone experiences fear - it is usually because of an outcome or possibility that they have no control over....of course...what they fear will happen. 

I could list hundreds of examples.  The point is that when you look at what you are afraid of...that could be anxiety or just generalized worry...it could be a drop dead fear of flying or large snakes - whatever it is....one can always argue - it hasn't happened yet. 

And why do we worry about things that have not occurred?  Of course we are trying to protect ourselves from uneccesary pain.  Makes sense.  However we start playing the "what if" game.  

When we enter into a conversation of "what if" with ourselves, we just have to say STOP!
What if I die tomorrow.  What if I loose my job.  What if Jim-bo leaves me?  Not worth thinking about!

The only way anyone can deal with all of this is by staying in the now.  Nothing is happening  right now.    And we can stay HERE.  

Fear is not real.  This moment is.

Nameste

What's Your Problem?

I'm not sure about others, but I tend to focus on what my problems are!  I've mentioned before trying to stay away from the question WHY?  Why am I so emotional?  Why can't I just accept this loss?  What is my problem!

Some investigation is helpful, of course.  If I'm constantly disappointed by people or events, perhaps I can look at my expectations....and not having them!  I find they always get me into trouble.  There is plenty of room for improvement in all of us. However it can be a slippery slope, easily morphing into judgement and criticism.  The last stage is narrowly focusing on the issue or problems you have.  This is called....resisting (obsessing, worrying, ruminating etc.)

Trying to rid yourself of unwanted thoughts and feelings can be summed up as resistance.  I believe this is based in fear.  When that happens, things persist.  What we resist, persists. 

Acceptance is the antidote.  Accept your crappy, judging thoughts and emotions for what they are...passing, human and natural.  Move on.  Don't give them power. Make changes;  improvements where you can.  But be kind to yourself. Constant critique and evaluation only adds stress.  Get back to the present moment.  Take a breath.  Make a mindfulness jar!   I just read about it at http://mindfulnessjar.com/mind-calming-glitter-jar/

We all have problems.  Some will be there tomorrow or in 5 minutes.  But right now, all can be well.  In this moment. 

Nameste

Appreciating the present moment

"Can you rest in ... awareness, even for one breath, or even one in-breath, before reacting to try to escape or make things different?"
Jon Kabat-Zinn, Mindfulness for Beginners.

I think it's important to realize with mindfulness, you can start very small....with individual breaths or minutes.  It can be easily done on my 6 minute bus ride to work....

What can I do in 6 minutes?  Lets discuss!  What I DON'T want to do is worry about if I'll be on time, what my day will be like or regretting that I didn't appreciate my holiday time off!

What I CAN do is just be....in the moment.  I can pay attention to my breathing.  I can do a body scan and be aware of how my body is feeling...and not judge it.  Most days I find I just look and listen.  Today I noticed a hotel I never have before.  I look at houses and decor, landscaping, cars....anything.  I am aware that I am not judging them or making up stories....I'm just noticing...on purpose.   

I also like listening....to sounds, the trance-like noises of the bus, the sound of the heat blowing, or whatever is present at the time.  I consider this meditating.  When I'm not worrying about future events, being a story teller in my head or focusing on things in the past, I am truly quite content. 

I believe I have worked at being able to do this for years.  And while you can practice being mindful in a second or minute, I have done formal practice (sitting or lying down for a prescribed amount of time) and I think it has allowed me to be able to appreciate the present moment. 

Most people are striving for peace.  The irony is that it can be found in this exact moment!

Non-judging

“Being mindful means that we suspend judgment for a time, set aside our immediate goals for the future, and take in the present moment as it is rather than as we would like it to be.”
Mark Williams, The Mindful Way through Depression

For me, trying not to judge - myself, my thoughts and others (if I'm honest) is challenging.  We are all conditioned to some extent to judge ourselves and others;  whether the messages come from our childhood, society, peers or something innately in us.  I've always heard it is "natural" or human for us to judge others.  

I have often scolded myself for having judging thoughts;  ironically I am judging my thoughts!  With mindfulness, the beauty and challenge might be to - even if it's just for a few moments - not judge.  

I believe we can change how we think.  However, if I am critical of my thoughts, they gain more power.  If I tell you not to think of elephants...what do you think our brains are going to do....think of elephants!  When we resist our thougths (ie. don't think that...that's bad to think that way etc. ) they will persist.  When you don't judge your thoughts....you can just acknowledge and then get back to the present moment.