What if "NOW" isn't good?

"It's hard to reflect on your circumstances and to learn new ways of responding if the mind roams like a wild animal. So the first step is to tame it through ... paying attention to one thing at a time ..."
~ Vidyamala Burch, Living Well with Pain and Illness

I read this quote today and something stood out;  "new ways of responding".  I was chatting with a good friend and we were talking about what happens when the present moment isn't all that good!  For example, if I'm sad or in pain....it's hard to focus on that.

I think a few things might be good for me to remember in these situations.  If I'm in pain (have bilateral plantar faciitis right now), there may be a difference between paying attention and acknowledging.

I can acknowledge the pain, but perhaps look at other things in the present (for example looking at the nature around me, just paying attention to my breath, having people in my life that support and love me).  

The other part of it is being non-judgmental.  I can quickly become angry at my body, my situation and circumstances and start telling myself negative things.  When things like "fair" become a central focus, I'm being quite judgmental of my emotions and feelings.  

Lastly, I am trying to work on letting go of labels.  Emotions don't have to be labelled as good or bad, right or wrong.  They just are.  And reminding myself that they will change just as the hours in the day always do, this might help get through some challenging times while staying in the present moment.

Thoughts are not reality

"Once you understand that you are the thinker of your own thoughts, and that your mind doesn‘t produce ‘reality’, it produces ‘thoughts’, you won’t be as affected by what you think."
Richard Carlson, Stop Thinking, Start Living.

Fact or Fiction

“Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts.”
Eckhart Tolle, Oneness With All Life. 

The way it is...

I see that when I go down that slippery slope of negative, self-pitying thinking, it really does a lot of harm;  to myself and others.

I have to deal with chronic pain and it is something that takes me to the bottom of that slope pretty quickly!  I start using "never" and "always" and am too busy with this negative self talk to remember a few key things.

I learned this past week I have to accept what is.  I'm in pain.  But it doesn't mean it'll stay that way.  I can acknowledge and accept the negative feelings and then get out of them; they serve no purpose.  My pain level has improved in the past two days.  Very good lesson for me this week.  When it comes to pain, I must be very diligent about hearing the dialogue in my head and remember that just like with emotions;  worry, remorse, fear...pain passes too.  

This is the way it is.  I will work today on doing things I need to do...to stay positive, grounded and inspired. 

Squirrel city

I think I'm not supposed to feed the squirrels....but I do:)

Usually black ones are here, but occasionally I get a brown one with a white belly...so pretty.

I call a black one "ballsy";  he comes up on the porch and actually has chased away my stray cat BK!
This morning I threw some peanuts....and it was crazy!  So many squirrels!  And then one I hadn't seen before....a blonde....very pretty....dainty really.  A perfect S shaped tail and lovely golden fur....and a white belly:)

I'm so grateful that I can be with this little beauties.  I hope I'm not harming them by giving them nuts.  But they seem to enjoy!  I know they cash the nuts for the most part....in my potted plants and probably the neighbours too!

Really lovely being able to sit on the porch and feed them....watch them...appreciate them.

Just for today....

Am I thinking about the future?  Am I wallowing in the past?
I definitely keep a watchful awareness when I start using words like "always" or "never".

Today I'm experiencing a lot of physical pain.  When I get invested in that pain....making judgments (it's not fair) or predicting the future (I'll always have this), I'm not really helping myself.

I know that this will pass;  if I think how horrible it is....it will be horrible!  If I am somewhat unattached and see that for right now, this is what it is, BUT realizing this is transient....

I also know that when I start down that road of self pity or negativity I'm not only not helping myself or the situation, I'm actually making it worse!

Right now I'm ok.  Today will come and go;  I can choose to care for my body instead of hate it.  I'll take it easy, do what is necessary, and be glad I can get to where I need to go.
It's ok for me to feel annoyed or frustrated.  I don't need to do anything more with it than simply acknowledge it and continue on about my day.

Time to re-evaluate!

I had a bit of an a-ha moment yesterday.  I had predetermined ideas about something I developed over 10 years ago.  All of a sudden I asked myself....why am I believing things I thought over a decade ago?  I try to live in the moment, yet this was glaringly in the past was it not?

It's like me saying that I tried meditation in the past and didn't enjoy it.  So that's that.  I won't re-evaluate in the present....the now.  Have I not changed?  Am I exactly the same as I was years ago, in the same mood, frame of mind, and situation.  Of course not!

I'm trying very hard to stick to a budget.  My income keeps changing.  I think I'd be in a lot of trouble if I didn't look at my current financial situation.  Trying to follow my budget from 6 months or a year ago would be ....lets just say...ineffective!  I have to take the present things in my life and perhaps this includes my thoughts.  I don't have to believe old, perhaps untrue beliefs of my past.

A good reminder for me:)

self talk

We have many thousand thoughts per day - a big shift for me came when I started listening to the these thoughts. What was I telling myself?  Was it true?  Was I being negative more of the time? 

I like to observe my thoughts - I visualize a little psychiatrist on my shoulder (not the good or bad angel/devil).  I chose that because a big challenge for me is not judging my thoughts or feelings.  I believe the psychiatrist version of myself isn't labeling...."good thought"  or "you are incorrect".  Rather, just observing ....and making notes of course!!

By not labeling or judging, I am not criticizing my thinking or feelings.  And then I choose whether that thought is helpful.  If a thought is untrue, I gently remind myself of that.  And then bring myself back to the present.

a quote from my daily mindful email by Padraig O'Morain:

"Notice the distinction between talking to yourself ("Here's what I should have said," "How dare they," "I'm such an idiot") and awareness. Awareness doesn't make speeches: it's quiet. Try to spend more time in quiet awareness and less time talking to yourself".