Acceptance is a challenging thing; It doesn't appear that it is a one time event, nor is it static. I might accept something today, and the very next day find myself fighting... with myself and my thoughts. Resisting.
I am discovering that being accepted by others (partner, work, friends, family or society) is very different than self acceptance. When I demand that others provide me with the acceptance I am seeking, I end up in a negative and at times - torchured - state. I want people to understand what it's like, for example, to be in pain with every step; and I sink a lot of energy into either explaining it to others OR more often than not having my own little conversation in my head!!! "They don't understand how difficult this is" OR " I have to find a way to explain it so people know I would do it if I could....I'm not lazy....I'm trying"....etc.
The only acceptance I think I need is my own. I can comfort myself. I can understand - feel compassion - believe myself! I don't need external validation or acceptance from others in order to feel at peace with my own lot in life. It is difficult for me at times to participate in some activities - and no explanation is needed - other than - "I can't physically do that today". And I don't have to wait for understanding or acceptance from anyone. I know I do my very best day in and day out. We are all imperfect human beings. I think I have to stop apologizing and trying to explain. I can't expect things from other people I perhaps need to provide myself.
I can comfort myself today. It is "me" that needs to gain acceptance - compassionate and loving acceptance....for myself.
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