Begonias are the Bomb!

I think part of staying in the present is also appreciating what's right in front of you.  When I'm out on the porch I find myself starting to ruminate about things....this is the nature of anxiety and worry - living in the past or fearing the future.

This year I planted Begonias in my planters.  I just wanted to give a "shout out" to these chill and beautiful flowers!

They are really lovely, easy to care for and it's almost October and they look better than ever!
It's nice to appreciate something simple;  it allows me to pay attention to something outside of myself, find appreciation and gratitude, and serves to keep me in the present moment.

Physical reaction to negative thinking

When I think about things in the past I've done or experienced that cause worry, I can often feel similar to the time it happened - anxiety, fear, remorse.  It may not be to the same extent when the event occurred, but it is still a reaction.  Physiologically, the hormones that are released are lets say..."not good".  They may even be harmful healthwise.

At the time, the response by the body might serve a purpose.  However, re-living it and experiencing the same response serves no purpose.

This phenomenon is similar to worrying about future events.  There is a difference between planning for the future and predicting it.

For me, when I am in the past or the future, I can't be present in the now - in today.  What's more important is that I experience unhelpful thoughts and therefore reactions by my body. It affects anxiety and distracts me from the current day AND the feelings of peace, joy, contentment and safety I experience when I'm truly staying in the present.  My body can produce other hormones or chemicals....better ones....that are helpful to my overall well being.

I am trying to be kind to myself today - mentally and therefore physically.

External vs internal acceptance

Acceptance is a challenging thing;  It doesn't appear that it is a one time event, nor is it static.  I might accept something today, and the very next day find myself fighting... with myself  and my thoughts.  Resisting. 

I am discovering that being accepted by others (partner, work, friends, family or society) is very different than self acceptance.  When I demand that others provide me with the acceptance I am seeking, I end up in a negative and at times - torchured - state.    I want people to understand what it's like, for example, to be in pain with every step;  and I sink a lot of energy into either explaining it to others OR more often than not having my own little conversation in my head!!!  "They don't understand how difficult this is"  OR " I have to find a way to explain it so people know I would do it if I could....I'm not lazy....I'm trying"....etc.  

The only acceptance I think I need is my own.  I can comfort myself.  I can understand - feel compassion - believe myself!  I don't need external validation or acceptance from others in order to feel at peace with my own lot in life.  It is difficult for me at times to participate in some activities - and no explanation is needed - other than - "I can't physically do that today".  And I don't have to wait for understanding or acceptance from anyone.  I know I do my very best day in and day out.  We are all imperfect human beings. I think I have to stop apologizing and trying to explain.  I can't expect things from other people I perhaps need to provide myself.  

I can comfort myself today.  It is "me" that needs to gain acceptance - compassionate and loving acceptance....for myself.  

Resentments

Resentments keep us in the past, a past that can never be relived. Resentments keep a stranglehold on our mind. They keep us from appreciating the beauty of a moment. 

Quote by Karen Casey