Accept what is happening right now

“When we stop trying to force pleasant feelings, they are freer to emerge on their own. When we stop trying to resist unpleasant feelings, we may find that they can drift away by themselves . When we stop trying to make something happen, a whole world of fresh and unanticipated experiences may become accessible to us.”
Mark Williams

Listen to your thinking....

I would challenge you to listen to your thoughts.  I do this regularly.  I go out in the morning to feed my stray cat and sit for a moment.....

It's tough to even remember all the thoughts I have.  I listen and acknowledge.
Today I was thinking about work stuff, about what will happen in a few years....what will happen in a week...what will happen in a few moments.   It's very interesting when you actually listen.

I don't really want or need to know what will happen in 3 hours or a week.  When I notice I'm thinking....I simply tell myself this....and then take a few breaths.  Then I realize how lucky I am to have all that I do.  And even when I'm feeling really down, I always know that I can pause, take a breath, and just be.

I am very lucky to have found mindfulness.
Love to be in the moment.  It has saved me from being caught up in thoughts and worries.  I choose peace.

Quote for today....

"Hardly anything happens without the mind spinning it up into an elaborate production.  It's the elaboration that makes life more difficult than it needs to be"

Sylvia Boorstein - Don't just do something, Sit there.

ESP

"Quickly register your state of mind now and then e.g. “angry mind,” “calm mind,” “tense/tight mind,” “curious mind”. This 'mindfulness of the mind' can give you an insight into whether your state of mind is dictating your thinking and your actions. "  by Padraig O'Morain


A quick and easy way to check in with yourself is something called ESP - asking yourself how you are feeling Emotionally, Spiritually and Physically.  One word answers are all you need.  It's an interesting way to look at your state of mind, body and soul.


For example, I might choose this check in method every time I use my computer, use the bathroom, eat a meal. Any way you can habitually make this part of your day.   If I wake up and feel angry, I can recognize it.  This is my check in emotionally.  Anger is a catch all so I might try and choose a different word....irritable perhaps.  Then spiritually I might notice I'm not connected.  Lastly I might be tired or have a sore neck from sleeping.  When I look at the entire ESP process, it gives me a more complete picture.  I'm irritable because I'm disconnected spiritually (likely already thinking of what I want or DON'T want to do that day) and that maybe I could use a heating pad on my neck!


I won't try and get out of any of these states - it's just recognizing - acknowledging - and choosing to detach from these things and go about my day.  I know that all of this states of mind and body will change just as the sun rises and sets and time ticks away.  There is certainty that things will shift.

Don't believe all your thoughts!

"Thoughts are not who you are, they're habitual patterns in the mind, nothing more and as soon as you see them that way, they lose their sting."    Ruby Wax, Sane New World
There are times when I'm acutely aware my thoughts are not true....they are not what I truly believe.  As I've mentioned, when I think in terms of all or none - black and white - I know that I'm telling myself untruths.  

Habits and patterns seem sort of benign in a world filled with addictions, compulsions and mental illness.  However I think for me, this is overlooked.  

Acknowledging the difficulty in changing a belief or value....a habit of the way we think is a large undertaking.  I've heard Anthony Robbins describe it as grooves on a record.  We fall into them because they have been predetermined and are physically easy for the record needle to follow.  Changing a pattern, a thought or habit is like going against the grain of the record.  Essentially scratching in a new groove. 

Recently Tara Brach had a nice catch phrase..."Neurons that fire together, wire together". When it comes to advancements in science, a huge one is neuroplasticity.   Meaning we can actually change the pathways or wiring in our brain. 

Mindfulness is a great way to work on this....the way you think....the patterns of thoughts....the way our brains are wired (currently) and creating new pathways in our thinking, and therefore feeling. 

When I start down a road of negative self talk because I am struggling with changing some of these wiring issues, I am trying to give my self a break - be compassionate.  Perhaps there is an inverse relationship with time of a habit and how long it might take to re-wire our brains - I don't know just a thought.  

If I have drank coffee in the morning for 20 years (true - decaff none the less), it might take me longer than someone who has for 2 years.  Perhaps the ritual of coffee is more meaningful or powerful to me.  Whatever the case, it's a tough pattern and habit to break.

Lets say I've decided I want to switch to herbal tea, and I truly would like to stop drinking coffee,  My mind will definitely tell me each morning that I want a coffee!!!!  If I believe this as true, I'm going to struggle.  However, if I believe - as the quote above suggests - that this is a habitual way of thinking.  It isn't about what I truly want.  Perhaps it's just a habit of thought.  

I find NOT believing my thoughts quite challenging....Ie.  But I DO want a coffee!  Is it a chicken and egg situation?  Do  I really?  Because I decided I in fact didn't want to drink coffee in the morning...didn't I?  Was that false?  Doubt it.  I put a lot of thought - weighing pros and cons, wanting this change.  So do I dismiss that or is it more reasonable to dismiss an automatic thought that comes up when I wake that I want a coffee? 

I find this quote extremely powerful.  It also serves as a good reminder that patience is needed when change is happening.  I am working on re-wiring my brain!  It's gonna take some time:)

The present includes tastes, smells, colours....

In my experience, it seems that thinking about things that happened or might happen has little use to me and my emotional state.  By distracting myself in the past or future I am avoiding how I'm feeling or what is happening in the present moment.

I would say I'm someone that likes to learn and grow.  I have learned what things contribute to negative thinking, uneasiness, and anxiety. Conversely I have also learned what produces serenity, calmness and hope.

Focusing on the present....what is pleasant....what I am grateful for....what I see, hear and smell... helps me be here - not far away in my mind.....worrying about what the future is going to bring.  I am not trying to dissect or figure out the WHY of things!  Asking myself this causes a frenzied type of thinking that serves no purpose. The answer of WHY is always...BECAUSE IT IS.  And that is much easier to live with.

Why do I have a headache today?  Why did that driver just give me the finger.  Why are there so many weeds in my garden?  Not sure about anyone else but when I write it down, it's easy to see that this line of questioning isn't useful.  Again, the easy answer is..."it just is".
Enjoy the day!

Ease suffering

" ... we have a choice in any moment to either return to the present or to escalate our suffering by letting our stories and thoughts take over."
Pema Chodron - How to meditate: A practical guide to making friends with your mind.

I find I'm caught up right now in "escalating my suffering" by worrying about things in the future that I have no control over.  Whatever is going to happen...will.  I am going to meditate, challenge my thoughts and stories and try to get back to this present moment. I may have made mistakes in my past however I don't believe the universe wants me to suffer all the time.  Nor can I predict or change what will happen in the future.  

I will cause unnecessary pain by indulging in negative thinking and pretending like I have some say in what will happen.  As the serenity prayer so beautifully says....accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can - me...my thoughts....my choices. Today I choose to stay in the moment and trust that all will be well.

Begonias are the Bomb!

I think part of staying in the present is also appreciating what's right in front of you.  When I'm out on the porch I find myself starting to ruminate about things....this is the nature of anxiety and worry - living in the past or fearing the future.

This year I planted Begonias in my planters.  I just wanted to give a "shout out" to these chill and beautiful flowers!

They are really lovely, easy to care for and it's almost October and they look better than ever!
It's nice to appreciate something simple;  it allows me to pay attention to something outside of myself, find appreciation and gratitude, and serves to keep me in the present moment.

Physical reaction to negative thinking

When I think about things in the past I've done or experienced that cause worry, I can often feel similar to the time it happened - anxiety, fear, remorse.  It may not be to the same extent when the event occurred, but it is still a reaction.  Physiologically, the hormones that are released are lets say..."not good".  They may even be harmful healthwise.

At the time, the response by the body might serve a purpose.  However, re-living it and experiencing the same response serves no purpose.

This phenomenon is similar to worrying about future events.  There is a difference between planning for the future and predicting it.

For me, when I am in the past or the future, I can't be present in the now - in today.  What's more important is that I experience unhelpful thoughts and therefore reactions by my body. It affects anxiety and distracts me from the current day AND the feelings of peace, joy, contentment and safety I experience when I'm truly staying in the present.  My body can produce other hormones or chemicals....better ones....that are helpful to my overall well being.

I am trying to be kind to myself today - mentally and therefore physically.

External vs internal acceptance

Acceptance is a challenging thing;  It doesn't appear that it is a one time event, nor is it static.  I might accept something today, and the very next day find myself fighting... with myself  and my thoughts.  Resisting. 

I am discovering that being accepted by others (partner, work, friends, family or society) is very different than self acceptance.  When I demand that others provide me with the acceptance I am seeking, I end up in a negative and at times - torchured - state.    I want people to understand what it's like, for example, to be in pain with every step;  and I sink a lot of energy into either explaining it to others OR more often than not having my own little conversation in my head!!!  "They don't understand how difficult this is"  OR " I have to find a way to explain it so people know I would do it if I could....I'm not lazy....I'm trying"....etc.  

The only acceptance I think I need is my own.  I can comfort myself.  I can understand - feel compassion - believe myself!  I don't need external validation or acceptance from others in order to feel at peace with my own lot in life.  It is difficult for me at times to participate in some activities - and no explanation is needed - other than - "I can't physically do that today".  And I don't have to wait for understanding or acceptance from anyone.  I know I do my very best day in and day out.  We are all imperfect human beings. I think I have to stop apologizing and trying to explain.  I can't expect things from other people I perhaps need to provide myself.  

I can comfort myself today.  It is "me" that needs to gain acceptance - compassionate and loving acceptance....for myself.  

Resentments

Resentments keep us in the past, a past that can never be relived. Resentments keep a stranglehold on our mind. They keep us from appreciating the beauty of a moment. 

Quote by Karen Casey

What if "NOW" isn't good?

"It's hard to reflect on your circumstances and to learn new ways of responding if the mind roams like a wild animal. So the first step is to tame it through ... paying attention to one thing at a time ..."
~ Vidyamala Burch, Living Well with Pain and Illness

I read this quote today and something stood out;  "new ways of responding".  I was chatting with a good friend and we were talking about what happens when the present moment isn't all that good!  For example, if I'm sad or in pain....it's hard to focus on that.

I think a few things might be good for me to remember in these situations.  If I'm in pain (have bilateral plantar faciitis right now), there may be a difference between paying attention and acknowledging.

I can acknowledge the pain, but perhaps look at other things in the present (for example looking at the nature around me, just paying attention to my breath, having people in my life that support and love me).  

The other part of it is being non-judgmental.  I can quickly become angry at my body, my situation and circumstances and start telling myself negative things.  When things like "fair" become a central focus, I'm being quite judgmental of my emotions and feelings.  

Lastly, I am trying to work on letting go of labels.  Emotions don't have to be labelled as good or bad, right or wrong.  They just are.  And reminding myself that they will change just as the hours in the day always do, this might help get through some challenging times while staying in the present moment.

Thoughts are not reality

"Once you understand that you are the thinker of your own thoughts, and that your mind doesn‘t produce ‘reality’, it produces ‘thoughts’, you won’t be as affected by what you think."
Richard Carlson, Stop Thinking, Start Living.

Fact or Fiction

“Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts.”
Eckhart Tolle, Oneness With All Life. 

The way it is...

I see that when I go down that slippery slope of negative, self-pitying thinking, it really does a lot of harm;  to myself and others.

I have to deal with chronic pain and it is something that takes me to the bottom of that slope pretty quickly!  I start using "never" and "always" and am too busy with this negative self talk to remember a few key things.

I learned this past week I have to accept what is.  I'm in pain.  But it doesn't mean it'll stay that way.  I can acknowledge and accept the negative feelings and then get out of them; they serve no purpose.  My pain level has improved in the past two days.  Very good lesson for me this week.  When it comes to pain, I must be very diligent about hearing the dialogue in my head and remember that just like with emotions;  worry, remorse, fear...pain passes too.  

This is the way it is.  I will work today on doing things I need to do...to stay positive, grounded and inspired. 

Squirrel city

I think I'm not supposed to feed the squirrels....but I do:)

Usually black ones are here, but occasionally I get a brown one with a white belly...so pretty.

I call a black one "ballsy";  he comes up on the porch and actually has chased away my stray cat BK!
This morning I threw some peanuts....and it was crazy!  So many squirrels!  And then one I hadn't seen before....a blonde....very pretty....dainty really.  A perfect S shaped tail and lovely golden fur....and a white belly:)

I'm so grateful that I can be with this little beauties.  I hope I'm not harming them by giving them nuts.  But they seem to enjoy!  I know they cash the nuts for the most part....in my potted plants and probably the neighbours too!

Really lovely being able to sit on the porch and feed them....watch them...appreciate them.

Just for today....

Am I thinking about the future?  Am I wallowing in the past?
I definitely keep a watchful awareness when I start using words like "always" or "never".

Today I'm experiencing a lot of physical pain.  When I get invested in that pain....making judgments (it's not fair) or predicting the future (I'll always have this), I'm not really helping myself.

I know that this will pass;  if I think how horrible it is....it will be horrible!  If I am somewhat unattached and see that for right now, this is what it is, BUT realizing this is transient....

I also know that when I start down that road of self pity or negativity I'm not only not helping myself or the situation, I'm actually making it worse!

Right now I'm ok.  Today will come and go;  I can choose to care for my body instead of hate it.  I'll take it easy, do what is necessary, and be glad I can get to where I need to go.
It's ok for me to feel annoyed or frustrated.  I don't need to do anything more with it than simply acknowledge it and continue on about my day.

Time to re-evaluate!

I had a bit of an a-ha moment yesterday.  I had predetermined ideas about something I developed over 10 years ago.  All of a sudden I asked myself....why am I believing things I thought over a decade ago?  I try to live in the moment, yet this was glaringly in the past was it not?

It's like me saying that I tried meditation in the past and didn't enjoy it.  So that's that.  I won't re-evaluate in the present....the now.  Have I not changed?  Am I exactly the same as I was years ago, in the same mood, frame of mind, and situation.  Of course not!

I'm trying very hard to stick to a budget.  My income keeps changing.  I think I'd be in a lot of trouble if I didn't look at my current financial situation.  Trying to follow my budget from 6 months or a year ago would be ....lets just say...ineffective!  I have to take the present things in my life and perhaps this includes my thoughts.  I don't have to believe old, perhaps untrue beliefs of my past.

A good reminder for me:)

self talk

We have many thousand thoughts per day - a big shift for me came when I started listening to the these thoughts. What was I telling myself?  Was it true?  Was I being negative more of the time? 

I like to observe my thoughts - I visualize a little psychiatrist on my shoulder (not the good or bad angel/devil).  I chose that because a big challenge for me is not judging my thoughts or feelings.  I believe the psychiatrist version of myself isn't labeling...."good thought"  or "you are incorrect".  Rather, just observing ....and making notes of course!!

By not labeling or judging, I am not criticizing my thinking or feelings.  And then I choose whether that thought is helpful.  If a thought is untrue, I gently remind myself of that.  And then bring myself back to the present.

a quote from my daily mindful email by Padraig O'Morain:

"Notice the distinction between talking to yourself ("Here's what I should have said," "How dare they," "I'm such an idiot") and awareness. Awareness doesn't make speeches: it's quiet. Try to spend more time in quiet awareness and less time talking to yourself".

Like attracts like

I became a fan of "The Secret" many years ago.  Why was I drawn to this?  I guess it made sense to me.  I've always felt that "everything happens for a reason" and I'm not too interested in changing that belief for myself - it serves a purpose.  It supports my personal knowledge that when I fight or resist things, I don't serve myself, others or the greater or common good.

Maybe at this point I am contemplating that things work like a dungeons and dragon book - not that I read them!  But the idea is that there are many choices we have.  In these books you choose a path.  And you end up where you do.  But you always have lessons, adventure, obstacles, and always have a story.  Some choices lead to other choices.  Maybe you could have gone right to the "secret doorway" however if you choose a different story or path you ultimately end up there anyway:)

For me, the universe is kind, gentle and caring.  I have choices and I might go off course.  But more choices will surface.

I read an inspirational email today that basically talked about the need to be careful about CREATING what I am looking for;  self fulfilling prophecy, law of attraction or any way to put it....I do have some ability to try and align with what the universe hopes for me.

I need to believe that other outcomes are possible.  If I take two steps back today I can always move forward tomorrow.   I don't believe there is one right answer or choice in life;  rather a series of choices.

I do know that we tend to believe what we tell ourselves.  Even when mistakes arise, I will have faith that good things are coming.  I am attracting that into my life.

Learning from animals

It's nice for me sometimes to reflect on the simplicity of my pet's lives.  I don't know what they struggle with or how they are feeling of course, but I'm certain that they have a more simple life than I!

For Nemo, there are a couple things he loves;  the sun and walks in the park.

Not only is walking good for him physically, but I'm sure mentally as well.  Nemo does have some anxiety issues and I think the physical exercise and mental stimulation only help this.

I think for me I'll try and simplify my own life...following in the paw prints of Nemo!  What do I really love doing?  Maybe I should be doing this more?

I can also piggyback on his love and enjoyment....enjoy the sun...enjoy a walk in the park.  Life is complicated but when I look to my animal friends, they make it simple.  I think I could use more of that....living in the moment.

Take time to....look at the squash plant!

I really have to say I enjoy time-tested sayings...like smell the roses, the grass is always greener, this too shall pass....too many to name.

I like these because I find them to be true.  Things can be very chaotic, there can be a crisis- real or imagined - and yet, these sayings hold true.

Being in the moment helps me appreciate some of the "smaller" things in life.  Are they small?  Not for me.  They ground and centre me - so that I don't get carried away with my thoughts and feelings, what happened yesterday or what worries I have  - false and real - for what is to come.

I'm fortunate to have a garden and I plant a few things I enjoy.  Squash, cucumbers and tomatoes. I noticed the little squash tendrils curling up like tightly wound ringlets.  So A.  Very cute.  B.  so amazing because it appears it's supporting the other plant next to it.

These things I can notice and appreciate allow me to stay in the moment and not ...even for a moment...have to focus on my thoughts.

I can feel dissatisfied, fearful and full of anxiety - not something I love - but I can choose to notice what is right in front of me.  And while at this point in my life I'm willing to accept any feelings I have, looking at this little squash plant really made me feel a gratitude for living things, the wonder of nature...all of that!   Things just grow...rain or shine....good or bad conditions....some years are more "fruitful" than others.  I'm just a living, growing being.

Quote: Do we tell ourselves the truth?

"Mindfulness helps us get better at seeing the difference between what’s happening and the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening ...” 
Sharon Salzberg, Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation 

Reality, Interpretation, perception, attitude, catastrophic thinking, embellishment, negative thinking, non-truth.
A path I think many go down.  Are you telling yourself the truth?  

I like to try and observe my thoughts - my internal dialogue - and hopefully catch myself when I'm making assumptions, being critical, using past events, thoughts and fantasy to fuel the path to living in a false reality.

They say we have 40-90 thousand thoughts a day;  how many are the same?  How many repeat a story that may not be true?  Are these thoughts serving you or the greater good?  

Today I will aim to be honest and remove judgement, expectation and assumptions.  I can more easily achieve this if I stay in the present moment.

Enjoying the moment of NOW

"Try practicing 'peace from mind' rather than 'peace of mind'. When your mind pulls you into dramas and endless comments, silently say 'later' and return to awareness of the moment."

Nature Walk Meditation

Today I was on my way to take the bus home and realized I'd be waiting 30 minutes.  It was such a beautiful day I decided I might walk.  It was a lot longer than I was expecting but I got to walk home down a great river trail on one of the nicest days I can remember.

I walked and noticed this large tree that seemed like it had no place being there. 

 It made me wonder about why I was focusing on my sore feet and how long it was taking.  So I decided to do a walking meditation and listen to all the beautiful sounds, note the different smells in the air, enjoy the breeze against my skin and just observe.  I'm really glad I didn't take the bus today!

Mindful Meditation

"In mindful meditation you don't try and push thoughts away or wall yourself off from them. Instead, the aim is to be aware of whatever is happening moment by moment including your thoughts with a non-reactive attitude"
Vidyamala Burch

Again with the living in the past...worrying about future....a difficult lesson for me!

Just saw a nice quote in my Eckhart Tolle - The power of now calender:

"What you perceive as future is an intrinsic part of your state of consciousness now.  If your mind carries a heavy burden of past, you will experience more of the same"

 Today I spoke with someone who was very opinionated and basically criticizing what I'm trying to do to help myself through a difficult time.  I am trying to learn that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs and way of thinking;  my problem is when they are telling me - giving unsolicited advice.

That's a whole other ball of wax, however I'm trying to stay in the moment;  I am burdened by a conversation that happened 6 hours ago;  likely I'll keep replaying it tomorrow and the next as well.

In that last statement, I am setting up my future and reliving the past.  Right now, there are so many other experiences.  And instead of going over the conversation in my mind and picking apart all the inaccuracies, I can just focus on...I'm annoyed, or discontented, or troubled.  And accept that is how I'm feeling, knowing that it will pass.

"What we resist, persists" quote by Carl Jung

This quote has really helped me.  When I added it as my email signature a few people responded asking if it was specifically for them.

I think many people can relate to this idea.  For me, I have been plagued with a real fighter in my mind.  I refer to it as my "lawyer mind" or "great debater".

When I fight things - my feelings - my situations - my thoughts - things out of my control, they will persist.  When I am simply paying attention, acknowledging life, thoughts, obsessions -  not resist them and have a compassionate attitude towards and around these things....I simply do better.

We believe what we tell ourselves; we are constantly attracting more like thoughts...more like behaviors...more like outcomes or consequences.  When I get "caught up" in resisting things, it has certainly proven (in my life) to persist.

Today, I will try and stop fighting.  I will try and have little judgement, greater acceptance and patience.
video - What we resist, persists (the secret)

A simple mantra for today....

"It is not the experience of today that drives us mad.  It is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow might bring"

unknown

fireworks....

Just sitting here watching my cats scramble with the non stop fireworks.  It's 1045 and I was asleep.

Why are people so into fireworks?  I mean for me it's super annoying because of what it does to animals.  But aside from that....what about people with PTSD or people in the military.  How must this be for them?

It just is so not worth it....

So this isn't very mindful of course!  But I am at least in the present....but I am being judgemental!